Total Dependence
Ok I got it !!!I think I really got it.
Correct me if I am wrong, but it just came to me. I was sitting here in my living room and I been thinking all weekend and all this passed week about how many times I said I am going to quit this new job. Of course this passed week I didn’t really wanted to quit, it was more a saying like when I felt like I can’t do this or that.
Today it was the same thing, I kept thinking why in the world did I started this job? Why? This job isn’t meant for me. This job is something I have absolutely no clue about at all! I mean not the slightest idea. See I know how to run a TV and a computer, and yes I know how to answer a phone and talk to people.
But in this new job, I need to do all the above and fix their TV problems. And I think I am not capable of doing this. I am not even capable I think of learning this. I am a person who needs to touch things to understand them.
And here I work with satellites they are way out in space.
It frightens me to go and talk to a person on the phone and try to fix their problems, and I have no clue really of what I am doing!!
And people I know keep telling me “You are smart! You will get it! Don’t worry about it!”
I worry about it so much that I cant think of anything else. This whole weekend was absorbed with thoughts about this new job, the learning, the NOT understanding, the Why In the World did I take this job. The list goes on with all the doubts.
Than a few minutes ago, I thought why would God let me have this job, when He should know I am not capable of learning it?
Than I thought why is my World turning upside down lately. I mean before I walked with the Lord I had my up’s and down’s, but since I walk with the Lord it gets worse.
Shouldn’t it get better???
Ok let’s back up…………………..
When I started to walk with the Lord right in the beginning, we had this car accident. My car was totaled, I have doctor bills, and it is 2 1/2 years later and still I haven’t been paid for my car or the bills.
Two weeks I think after that car accident, my husband had a car accident with the new truck.
Not long after that we found out his Mom has cancer.
I think it wasn’t a month later we found out my Mom has cancer.
His Mom in and out of the hospital, my Mom in and out of the hospital. His Mom passed away last year. My Mom is very very ill with her cancer and went through multiple surgeries, and more to come.
Than the problems with my son as you all know and for the few who don’t know you can go back in my blog and read it.
All along I been praying to get a new job, because I couldn’t stand working for Wal-Mart any longer. Partially because of my leg pain and partially because of the way management is treating employees.
So after a long time of praying and lots of physical and emotional pain, I find this new job.
And now I sit here and think I CAN’T DO THIS!!!!!!!!!! I am not as smart as everyone thinks I am.
My whole life is turned upside down, and I wonder why???????????
And there it came to me. I always ALWAYS prayed that I want to walk closer with the Lord, and how miserably I failed in my little attempts. I had more to confess and repent than before I started praying to walk closer with him.
I mean I prayed Lord let me walk closer with you, let your way’s be my way’s! Teach me, discipline me, humble me. Lord I want to be a godly woman.Well I think He answered me all along and I missed it the whole time. And because I kept missing it, I prayed more and even said “Speak louder to me, I cant hear you!”
Well He answered that too!!!
He wants me to be totally dependant on Him. Not on earthly things, or on people, or on anything. He wants me to seek Him, He wants me to let Him show me the way.
He wants me to come before the throne and ask Him for help.
To lay before the Cross and humble myself. Because I know I got this job because of Him, I would’ve never gotten it without Him. And now I need to let Him teach me how to rely on Him to keep the job. To learn everything, and in the end the Glory goes to Him not me. I will not be able to boast how good I am, how smart I am.
Because it is Him who lives through me!
Andrea has to learn to lean on her Father! Andrea has to learn to come before the throne and get help!He is teaching me in more way’s than one. And because I didn’t listen he had to get louder, he had to do things that will get my attention.
I sat on the couch and for no reason at all, in my mind something said ” Why you do not trust me? You have to lean on me, and everything will be good!” That were the exact words. And at first I just pushed it aside like “what am I thinking now?” And than I realized I wasn’t thinking. He was telling me this.
Now don’t think I loose my mind. I believe wholeheartedly that He spoke to me just a few minutes ago.And Father I will depend and lean on you. I will not complain. I will let you lead and guide me all through this and the Glory will go to you. I can’t do nothing without you. I have to seek you and humble myself and listen to what you say!
I feel so much better now, a calm came over me indescribable. peace from deep within. What a awesome feeling!
Good night
Andrea
Mock calls and such
Well my friends, I finished my first week in school. Of course on friday we had these “mocked calls” that our Mentors made to us. I was terrified of them, even though I knew they werent from real customers. I think it scared me even more than a real customer. See I am shy until I get to know someone. And well I was afraid of failure. In my mind I was thinking they gonna laugh if I make a mistake and have this stupid accent (where I stick out like a sore thumb anyway with it).
We were told that the calls will start at 4pm. I have to go back a little bit though. I used to have bad anxiety attacks, and was on the medication called zanax for them. I hardly ever took them. So I have a bunch of them here still in the house.
So I had this great idea to take a half a pill a hour before the calls, cause that will calm me down.I took that half a pill at 2:50pm. At 2:55pm our teacher came to the classroom and announced that the calls start at 3:00pm.
So guess what??????????????That pill had no chance to take effect in those few minutes! And it took effect at about 3:30pm, when all the calls where done!
Zanax on me has the effect if I take them because of anxiety they will calm me, but if I take them and have no anxiety like after the calls, they make me very tired!
You can imagine I yawned for a couple hours through my classes.
Oh by the way…………I got on all calls an A+I have to admit they were very easy calls. And after every call the mentor asked how I feel I did, and if I have any questions.
The only thing I did wrong was that on my second call I told her “I have to put you on hold” and well I put her on hold. Never asked her IF I can put her on hold or anything and just clicked out of the call.
She told me afterward that I can not do that with a customer. I told her, that I knew I did wrong the second I did it, and we laughed. She said she understand that we are all nervous and that things like that happen and since I already knew I was wrong, I can fix it for future calls.
Now, in this first week I wanted to quit this job three times, let’s pray in this coming week I might be able to cut it down to one time…hahaha
I really don’t want to quit of course, I love it. But it is a LOT to learn, and I am not that young nomore, and my brain cells were inactive for a long time. But hey, I keep on stepping out in Faith and He who knows everything will lead and guide me through it. That is what I believe and thats it!!!Also the drive to and from is about 45 minutes each way. Some people said WOAH that is a long way to drive, but it really isn’t all that long. The only thing that a bit bother’s me is all those trucks on I 81. They do drive like maniacs.
All the people I met at the company starting with the General Manager are real friendly. Everyone smiles, it is scary!
Everyone is helpful, and smiling, and nobody acts like they have a higher job than you do, and I just started you know. Real Friendly people!
So if God opens my mind so I can learn all this cable, orbit, satellite positions, and different size dishes, than I believe this will be a job I will keep for a long time to come. But it all depends on Him!
I know on my own I wouldn’t be capable to learn all these things. What am I saying??? Without Him I wouldnt be in this job to begin with! For 16 years I tried to get a job in an office, and for 16 years I didn’t get one. Now I walk with the Lord and look at where I am at now!
This is not my doing by no means. That is God in action!
Love you all
Andrea
First week in School, HBO, and Target
And you all wondering…..
what has HBO and Target to do with her going to school!
Well let me tell you, I am sooo excited!!!!!
Yesterday in class, a couple people came in and they were from HBO and they explained to us upselling to their services.And they left us with some “find the word” puzzles.
I finished it, and turned it in.
Today in class at the beginning we met our Manager and after she introduced herself she said “Who knows what PAW means?” I blurted it out and won a $ 5,00 dollar giftcard to Target.
Than a half hour later it was announced that I won a tote from HBO from the puzzle yesterday. I never win nothing and I was so excited…hahaha
Today it wasn’t boring at all, we did lot’s of work on the computer. And lot’s of simulations too!
Tomorrow after half of the shift we will be sitting on the floor with our “Mentors” and will listen to their phonecalls.
And on Friday we will get a “Mock” call into the classroom. Each student will have to answer one call where a mentor plays a customer.This is what I am sooo scared of.
But I know with lots of praying, God will lift me up and guide me through it. I pray constantly, because I know without Him I wouldn’t be where I am at right now, and without Him I wouldn’t be able to understand and learn all this stuff! I praise Him when I get up in the morning and while I am in the shower, when I get ready to drive to work and when I drive home.
And He always comes through for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!!!!
There is so much power when you call onto the name of the Lord, and I can testify to that it is absolutely true!
Thank you all for the lovely comments you all left me, and even though I don’t reply often as I should, I want you to know I read them daily! And I love each and every one. And YES Jennifer you are so right about saying to me “Think about Even the boring stuff and the orbit stuff is better than dealing with grouchy, back-stabbing coworkers” and working for Wally World. You are so right girlfriend!!! And Jessica, thank you so much for reading my blog and giving me encouragement! And you saying “This will be true of you too….just wait a year!! See what He will do!”
And Brigitte, my german friend………I just love you! You are so sweet and always leave me nice and uplifting comments and emails! You all are so wonderful people, thank you from the bottom of my heart
I have to talk about my Mom too, she is VERY ill! She suppose to go back to the hospital on March 26, 2008, but she had to be hospitalized yesterday the 25th, because she wasn’t able to breathe through the opening the doctors made in her throat. Again the “”wild flesh” from the surgery grows so quickly and covered the opening and the little plastic thing they put in for her to breathe couldn’t go in any more because the opening was closed off. They had to send a rescue team and take her to the hospital.You know my Mom never had anything really nice in her Life, she always worked hard and my Dad wasn’t a good husband. He cheated on her left and right! But he also was her “big love” so it took 17 years for her to finally file for a divorce.
Anyways, my Mom had in her young age already leukemia, and when she was 35 she had cancer in her stomach and they had to take a LOT of her stomach out. She almost died after the surgery. She had a few years ago a heart attacke and now she is been battling cancer in her throat for a long time now. She had so many surgeries in this passed year. I always prayed that God would heal her and let her be able to come to the States to let me see her one more time.
But as of this morning my prayer has changed. I don’t want her to keep going through this misery!!! I prayed if it is His will, I am ok with it if He wants to take her home! As long as He knows that she will be going to Heaven, I am ok!My fear is however that she isn’t saved, even though she proclaimed to me she is.
But of course only HE knows!
So please continue to pray for my Mom!
Love you all
Andrea
Second day in School
I don’t understand why everything has to drag out like it, but I am ok with it. I been through many first day’s at jobs, but this company really drags stuff out.
Whoever had to sit an hour through “direct deposit” explanations?
That lady explained it so in detail, it was funny to me. But I didn’t laugh or anything perhaps a little bit I did inside of me.
I mean I was told they have direct deposit on the first day. So yesterday I brought a voided check and filled on the paper my name and signature, and account number.
Why do they have to explain it for an hour
It is funny!
But than our teacher came and we started.
This time I started to enjoy it, we actually talked about billing, and sales, and thats my thing. We started working on the computers, to figure out out to pull up stuff. How we can find answers to customer’s problems and questions. All interesting stuff to me.
We learning listening skills, which is interesting to me too.
Of course the day can’t go like that all the way, in the last two hours we AGAIN talked about the orbit. YUCK!!!!
She explained how those satellites are aligned in orbit and how the consumers little dishes receive signals. What kind of satellite in space sends dignals to people in India.
Tell you what though, I honestly don’t care how the signal comes down and from which degree and etc.
Should I ?????
I think the orbit and where the satellites sit is the only thing I really am a mess in.
We also learned what different remote controls are able to do. Like the difference between a…
IR = Infrared remote
UHF= Ultra High Frequency
The infrared remote can only be used to point directly to your system, like receivers, tv, stereo, etc.
The UHF however, you can point anywhere in the room and it will do its job. To say it simply. There are also dofferent kinds of UHF remotes. There are UHF remotes you can go to another room with it, and still change a channel or operate a stereo or whatever.
They can send their signal through walls and other objects.
We learned about different dish systems. I wont explain this here though.
But up to now, I like everything else. I hope we work more on the computer today. Also we will start taking “mock” calls soon. For me a “hands-on” person that is the stuff I like to do. I have to admit though my language skills are not good. I always thought I speak and understand real good english, but it does show I don’t. There are words I have absolutely no clue!
There is however a young man about 22 years old, he helps me. He explains to me words I don’t understand. And I had paperwork I didnt understand the word(s) on it, and he explains them to me. On the end of last night as we walked out, he said to me ” Andrea, your doing fine”
Wasn’t that sweet?
So please continue to pray for me, as I go through this adventure!
Love and Blessings to all of you
Andrea
My first day in School
Well, I made it through my first day in school yesterday.
The first four hours where covered by HR, and all the paperwork that comes with it. And lots of boring explanations of Benefits like medical, dental, vision, and 401K etc.After that we met our Teacher. She is younger than my son..hahaActually everybody is way younger than me, the class consists of 8 students. Six students are about 20-25 years old, one Lady is in her mid thirties, and than there is me…46 years old.
We received a whole bunch of papers that we use in class. I thought I am learning to be a customer service rep, but instead I will be a technician for satellite TV.So if YOU call in because you don’t receive a signal or no picture, and whatever else, I will be there.
I cant seem to be able to fix my own TV, but I surely will fix yours.
Of course the class started with lots of customer service stuff, like friendliness, been efficient, patient, and so on.
Until than EVERYTHING was fine for me. I even opened my mouth when other’s wouldn’t. But than we started talking about how satellites work.
How the signal goes to the orbit and comes back down, and I was lost.My question to the teacher was……..
“How quick does this company get rid of people who seem to be a bit slower in learning than others?”
Her answer ” If you attend class on time, everytime, we will teach you, no matter how slow you are!”Now there is a light on the end of this tunnel. They are committed to teaching me this, no matter what.
Every Friday in the first four weeks, we will have a written test.
After 4 weeks we will be going in a special part of the call center where we will take actual calls, and fix peoples TV problems, but we will be monitored the whole time on the phone.Everybody seems very friendly and it seems to be a very pleasant atmosphere. But this was only my first day!So this is my update, more to come soon!
Please continue to pray for me on this adventure!!!
And one more thing……………..
My friend Jennifer (my Pastor’s wife) opened her own blog today. So if you guys like, visit her and welcome her to Bloggerland.
You can click to go to her blog right HERE
You all have a great weekAndrea
Tomorrow is the BIG day
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This little book above gave me a bit of strength of taking a step in Faith.
Yep, tomorrow I start the new job. I am excited but also a bit afraid. But I will do it afraid, by stepping out in faith and let the Holy Spirit lead and guide me!I will have 4 – 6 weeks of schooling and in this time I will be there Monday through Friday from 3:00pm to 11:30pm. After that my hours will change to one of there regular shifts. I am hoping to get the 5:00pm to 1:30am shift. That would be good because than I can attend Church even if I have to work. Also it would be good to spend a little time with my hubby since he works third shift.About me being nervous…………..
I used to work in an office, but this is a long time ago, and I never worked in a call center. When I worked in an office we didn’t work with computers. At that time my company had only word processor’s but no computer.
Yes I sold items on the phone but not continuously like in a call center. So I am pretty anxious about that.Than of course the schooling part………….
I haven’t been to school in 28 years…HELLO!
So I am pretty sure I am one of the older students there. I don’t know perhaps it is just my low-self esteem. I had to purchase a 3inch 3 ring binder for schooling, and when I actually bought it and looked at the size of it, I was thinking ….WOW, how much will I learn to put it all in this HUGE binder?Yes I know you all think I am crazy and perhaps I am. But I am really afraid. When I applied I looked forward to hearing from that company, than when they actually called, I thought well I wont be passing the interview. Than I passed the interview and got a call what day I start, and THAT’S When it hit me!
Am I to old?
Can someone teach this old dog a new trick?
How about my language skills?
How about my computer skills?
I am very good at driving myself nuts though
Anyone I talk to about the new job and let them know how I feel, they just say…
“You are smart!” “You will be just fine!” And my reply is “You don’t know how smart I am!”
Maybe I fooled everyone about me being smart.The only way I know how to cope with all this anxiety is…..I waited 16 years to get a job in a office again. And this is my chance, probably my last chance….
If everything fails…there is always Manpower….hahaha
And on that note…………
you all have a blessed week Andrea
My Life is in your Hands
What a wonderful song.This is one of my all-time favorites!
Maundy Thursday………
Please read what Maundy Thursday is all about. It is very simple and yet so profound.
Last year I blogged about it, and you can read up on it HERE.
I go as usual to my Church for this service tonite at 6:30pm.
Have a blessed Holy Thursday
Andrea






