I am stuck and can’t find my way back
I know it has been a while since I posted last. I dont know what is going on with me, but somehow the only way I can describe it is, I am stuck in what I do not know.
I just know I havent been in Church for the last three Sunday’s, I don’t go anywhere but to work and the groceriestore. I don’t feel depressed, but than again who actually knows that they are depressed? I just don’t know what is going on with me!
The job is killing me painwise and emotionally. Painwise: My legs especially my feet are swollen and hurting all the time, even when I am home and lay down. When I get home I just want to sit down, and when I sit down my feet give me almost excruciating pains. When I go later on to bed and lay down, I go through the same pain as I do when I stand up and walk. It is horrible!
Emotionally: I love the job, the responsibilities, the customer’s, the cashier’s. But I cant understand management. I do like a few managers, and even my immediate one is alright, but the “Acting store manager” is the one I havehardest time with. For example…a few weeks ago he tried his best to make me mad with keep talking into my earpiece to do things and I was all alone, I couldnt do al the things he wanted done “right there and than”. I had the oppertunity to talk to him face to face and expressed to him how I feel about it. He told me to tell him when I need help in any way. I believed it naive as I am. So a couple days ago, the checkout lines grew longer and I know he dont like that. So I called over the walkie asking for help that they need to send me more cashiers. I got the cashiers, I got the lines down. I released all the people that helped me back to their departments. About 45 minutes later another burst of customers, long lines, so I had to call for help again.
Thats when he said to me in my earpiece. “Csm dont you have no cashiers?” I said “Well some are no longer here that are on the schedule, and some called in sick, and yet others didnt show up for work. So yes I need help!”
It isnt like I call for those “helpers” to come to the front to play poker with me. And Management want “NO” lines. They even come up with teams to page for these events. But than when you need them they either dont show up when I page or “HE” interferes with it.
So what should I do?
One way or the other I feel I am blamed in whatever I do, and it really gets to me!!!
I know I shouldnt take my work home with me, but how can I not? I am not a person who just halfheartedly does her job. I want to do a GREAT job and I seem to fail at least in my mind.
Than my husband is still doing bad with the loss of his mom. This morning he told me he is not feeling well. He doesnt want a “thanksgiving dinner” He doesnt want to be around people. We do not sleep in the same bed. Which he works nightshift and he is used to staying up all night and when I get up he goes to bed. But lately I even catch him sleeping on the couch when I get up and I asked him “Why you not coming to bed to sleep?” His response:”I just napped a little!”
I just dont know how to help him, this also makes me very sad.
So I got up this morning with enough time to make it to Church. I woke up and slowly with pain I might add I “climbed” down the stairs. Went to the kitchen and made coffee. Sat down on the couch waiting for the coffee to be done. When the coffee was finally ready and I got up, I only was able to severly limp to the kitchen to get it.
It is like my body is 85 years old. When I walk downstairs I can only walk one step at a time, not like a normal person.
I wrote in one of my last posts that I got a little sidejob by translating this “Diet” I am on into the english language. Well, that is on and I am on my second page of translating. And the lady that hired me to do that, has now another person online interested in me, to do work for their company. I wish this would be such a success that I wouldnt have to go back to my regular job.
By the way I am still loving the Nutrition Change I am doing and am losing weight. My hope is that with me translating this into english that americans can profit by following this too, and lose a bunch of weight in a very healthy manner.
I pray to God he forgives me for not attending Church lately. I dont care what people think about that, I care what God thinks. As the psalm says: I am waiting for Him!
In the Lamb
awannabe said,
November 18, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Hugs to you.
Please start reading the Psalms. I know they will be of great comfort to you. Start reading
God’s will for his people and claim those blessings as your own.
Things will get better
Dan B. said,
November 19, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Andrea,
I’m glad that you posted because I’ve been praying for you and wondering how you were doing. Don’t let this job control your life–we need means to live but that means can’t be our life, for sure. I just want to encourage you, sister, in this hard time. I have a short morning devotional (Mornings by Charles Spurgeon) that I sent to my family each morning, and if you would like me to send it to your email as well, let me know and I’ll add you to the email group.
You know, Andrea, I’m wondering if you couldn’t do the translating thing full-time–translators, from what I understand, are fairly good-paying jobs. What you need to see is if you can get hooked up with a company that needs one–I’ll look around on the internet to see what I can find.
Chris G. said,
November 20, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Excellent idea Dan! What do you think Andrea? I believe you would be very good at doing that.
We miss you too Andrea and we are wondering how you’ve been. I am praying for you as well.
Chris
timbob said,
November 22, 2007 at 10:44 am
Good morning. It’s been a while since stopping in, but I’m keeping you and your household in prayer.
Have a blessed thanksgiving in Jesus.
timbob
stushie said,
November 26, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Andrea, you’re suffering from acedia - it’s an old spiritual word that the Early Church members used to experience when they were in the wilderness. I wrote a devotional about it for the Presbyterian Church of Canada. You can find it on their webpage at
http://daily.presbycan.ca/devotions/2007/07-07-29.html
God be with you.
Scotti said,
November 27, 2007 at 9:09 am
I am praying for you and your family, Andrea. Don’t lose heart! Jesus will not leave you or forsake you. Sometimes the only thing we can do when we are feeling low (in pain, disconnected) is to look up! That is when we see His mighty hand stretched down towards us. Keep your eyes fixed on the Lord Jesus Christ, He is faithful and true. He is the God of our salvation and the Rock of our refuge. I am asking the Lord in prayer to comfort you in your pain and to heal you of your afflications. I am praying that He will give you strength to see you through all of these circumstances of life. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you. Amen.
Love,
Scotti
Rick Rouse said,
December 2, 2007 at 7:36 am
Andrea, in those times when we’re floundering around in life, it’s important for us all to remember that we stil have our salvation and a Heavenly Father who will always love us, no matter what situation we might find ourselves in.
We serve a loving and understanding God, and with His help you’ll soon get back on the right track. Until then, just keep in mind that His love is infinite and His grace sufficient to pull us out of the miry clay that each of us gets caught up in from time to time.
God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, for that is an impossible goal for any human being to achieve aside from Jesus Himself. All He expects from us is to do our very best to stay in His will, and when we ulitmately fail, to repent. I’ll be praying for you and your family as you struggle though this. May God bless you and yours during the upcoming Christmas season.