HeAintThroughWithMeYet

I am frustrated with everything.

Ok, before I worked partime as a cashier, had a hardtime making ends meet. But I went to church regularly, attended almost all of our Biblestudy group sessions. You know I was involved, there, letting God’s grace fall on me, shining on me.
And I loved it.
But did have a money issue since I didnt work many hours. Than came the switch to fulltime. Now I havent attended ONE single Biblestudy session, I hardly if ever go to church. Either because I came home real from from work, or I have to get up at 3 in the morning to be early at work. Or I am just to wore out to get up and move around from work.
See, my whole life changed and it is consumed by my job!

Is it worth it???
I dont think so!

So, yesterday I went to my boss and I put in an application of time change (availability). He wasn’t happy about it, and explained to me…………”You probably will lose hours!”
it wasnt that PROBABLY, because as soon as I got home I received a call from my coworker and she explained that they openend a requisition to hire new people for my job!

Well I put out four apps this morning with other companies.

So I am asking you all to really pray for me on this one. That the Lord our God will open a door for me. That he will let me find a job that pays sufficiently, and that especially the hours are so that I can get back into the swing of things in church, biblestudy, etc.

I miss my sunday mornings getting up meeting and greeting everyone at church. I miss seeing my pastor preaching and him being able to visualise for me the things to come. I miss the biblestudy group to learn about God. I miss all my brother’s and sister’s in Christ. I miss everything that goes with it.
AND……..I want to go back into the Word. I know I am lacking on everything and it is true you need to be fed. Your soul and spirit needs nourishment, and mine doesn’t get nothing. My Spirit is on a Zero diet.

I can’t do this much longer, I am withering away like a little flower in the field.

Please Lord, help me to find my way back! Open doors for me to step  into a new beginning.

I know my Redeemer will make changes for me. I am going to sit back and wait as I usually do.

On my diet SIS I am doing. I am still on it. Had a few slips but overall still losing weight consistantly. Below you see my new tracker. This I think is the easiest part of my life getting rid of those pounds. I am not missing anything when it comes to this.

We had to purchase a new computer this passed week. Trust me, it wasnt in my plans, but my old one crashed. It only brought up a blue screen…..and it said…”Fatal System Error” I tried to revive it for hours, but it never got further than the blue screen.
The problem was that I  am in the middle of this little sidejob of translating and without a pc it wasn’t possible. So even though we don’t have money for extra things like that, we had to do it. I hope in the long run it was a good investment.

Anyways, from all this missing church, biblestudy, talking to people that believe in the same God as I do. I am depressed, and physically not well. My feet ache as never before, my back is on a low point, I can hardly sleep a night through.
Constantly under stress. I can’t do this no longer. If it means losing hours, I think thats what needs to be.
But with God’s grace I will get back to where I was!!!

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant youto be strenghtened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever.” AMEN
Ephesians 3:14-21

Until next time, praise God from whom all Blessings flow

Andrea

I know it has been a while since I posted last. I dont know what is going on with me, but somehow the only way I can describe it is, I am stuck in what I do not know.

I just know I havent been in Church for the last three Sunday’s, I don’t go anywhere but to work and the groceriestore. I don’t feel depressed, but than again who actually knows that they are depressed? I just don’t know what is going on with me!

The job is killing me painwise and emotionally. Painwise: My legs especially my feet are swollen and hurting all the time, even when I am home and lay down. When I get home I just want to sit down, and when I sit down my feet give me almost excruciating pains. When I go later on to bed and lay down, I go through the same pain as I do when I stand up and walk. It is horrible!
Emotionally: I love the job, the responsibilities, the customer’s, the cashier’s. But I cant understand management. I do like a few managers, and even my immediate one is alright, but the “Acting store manager” is the one I havehardest time with. For example…a few weeks ago he tried his best to make me mad with keep talking into my earpiece to do things and I was all alone, I couldnt do al the things he wanted done “right there and than”. I had the oppertunity to talk to him face to face and expressed to him how I feel about it. He told me to tell him when I need help in any way. I believed it naive as I am. So a couple days ago, the checkout lines grew longer and I know he dont like that. So I called over the walkie asking for help that they need to send me more cashiers. I got the cashiers, I got the lines down. I released all the people that helped me back to their departments. About 45 minutes later another burst of customers, long lines, so I had to call for help again.
Thats when he said to me in my earpiece. “Csm dont you have no cashiers?” I said “Well some are no longer here that are on the schedule, and some called in sick, and yet others didnt show up for work. So yes I need help!”
It isnt like I call for those “helpers” to come to the front to play poker with me. And Management want “NO” lines. They even come up with teams to page for these events. But than when you need them they either dont show up when I page or “HE” interferes with it.
So what should I do?
One way or the other I feel I am blamed in whatever I do, and it really gets to me!!!
I know I shouldnt take my work home with me, but how can I not? I am not a person who just halfheartedly does her job. I want to do a GREAT job and I seem to fail at least in my mind.

Than my husband is still doing bad with the loss of his mom. This morning he told me he is not feeling well. He doesnt want a “thanksgiving dinner” He doesnt want to be around people. We do not sleep in the same bed. Which he works nightshift and he is used to staying up all night and when I get up he goes to bed. But lately I even catch him sleeping on the couch when I get up and I asked him “Why you not coming to bed to sleep?” His response:”I just napped a little!”
I just dont know how to help him, this also makes me very sad.

So I got up this morning with enough time to make it to Church. I woke up and slowly with pain I might add I “climbed” down the stairs. Went to the kitchen and made coffee. Sat down on the couch waiting for the coffee to be done. When the coffee was finally ready and I got up, I only was able to severly limp to the kitchen to get it.
It is like my body is 85 years old. When I walk downstairs I can only walk one step at a time, not like a normal person.

I wrote in one of my last posts that I got a little sidejob by translating this “Diet” I am on into the english language. Well, that is on and I am on my second page of translating. And the lady that hired me to do that, has now another person online interested in me, to do work for their company. I wish this would be such a success that I wouldnt have to go back to my regular job.

By the way I am still loving the Nutrition Change I am doing and am losing weight. My hope is that with me translating this into english that americans can profit by following this too, and lose a bunch of weight in a very healthy manner.

I pray to God he forgives me for not attending Church lately. I dont care what people think about that, I care what God thinks. As the psalm says: I am waiting for Him!

In the Lamb

Hello you all,

 I am back for a minute to write about my DAILY LIFE.

Well, my pain in my feet is better while I am at work, but nevertheless terrible when I am at home. Especially when I get up in the morning or when I sit down and have to get up after a little while. But at least God grants me to be almost painfree while I am working.

About my problems with management, well that went like this…….

I had a meeting with the “Acting Store manager” and my immediate Supervisor and expressed how they make me feel!
And guess what after that conversation it is going much much better now. I prayed before I went in to his office that the Lord grant me to use my tongue wisely, and that he opens the heart of the two people I have to talk to. And I believe in my heart that he did. And without his intervention that wouldve not turned out the way it did!

 But I made my feelings clear and let them know that they both suck every ounce of confidence about my job out of me, by constantly criticising my way of handling my part of the business. And come to find out after that conversation they even backed me up at a employees complaint about me putting them on registers when they are floor associates. And I must admit that was the first time they backed up any of us CSM’s, that felt really good.

Also I am losing weight like I said slowly but steady, and it isnt a hard thing to do as with diets. The change of food intake is really easy to do.

And here again is my weight ticker for you to see……..

Well on other news………
I am in talks with the owner of the german website schlankschlafen.de and we will make a website for this part of the globe, and I am the one who translates all the pages on her german site. Today was my first day that I translated for her. We already have a name and she already bought the site. So everytime I send her a translated page she will add it on the new site. But of course until we finish the project it wont be open to the public.

But I know lots of people will find it VERY helpful for their own health problems weightwise. I cant wait for the day when we finish it, and open it up!

Well my friends thats all for now. If you have any questions feel free to call on me!

Love and Blessings and a big hug(knuddel in my language)

Hello everyone,

are you still reading my ramblings???
I havent been here in a while, but AGAIN I am just to busy lately!

An update I have I am losing weight, the pounds just tumble down, I am so excited every morning I step on the scale a few ounces gone WOOHOO
I will get into more weightloss talk at the end of the post.              

But thats as much of “good” excitement I get lately. Well we changed management again and now it is no fun at all there anymore. All our good assistant managers quit or were let go. Two are left from the “good ole times” the rest is gone. Store managers have come and gone, and each one changed the policies.
Now we are on our fourth one in a short period of time, and we dont even know if he going to stay. I can not put it in writing but I tell you this much……
                                                                                                                     

When I finally got the position I loved it, and I felt confident, but lately they are stripping me of this confidence and with that the enjoyment of it is leaving me too. I dont know how else to explain it. Its just not fun anymore. And I really hate when this happens. Because you know if you just go to a job for the buck, you wont be staying there for a long time. A job has to have a certain enjoyment to it, do you know what I mean?

Enough of this!!

My feet are killing me so badly now I can hardly walk down the steps when I get up in the morning. In the beginning was it only my heels, now it is also the sides of my feet, and it is in both feet. In other words from the ankles down, I am in bad pain daily. Even when I sit down the pain at first gets worse, same when I lay down. It is some times excruciating.

But what can I say, the doctor tells me there is nothing he can do. I am not satisfied with this answer and will have to see a podiatrist in the near future.
About my smoking, well I found a new excuse, I cant because of the stress I am going through with the job.       
So there is only one thing to all this I have left to say……WHATEVER!

My food intake today looked like almost every day, perhaps a little less now. Why? I do not know, it seems my body requires not as much food anymore.

For breakfast I had a bagel with Nutella (chocolate spread), lots of coffee.
For lunch I had 3 pieces of bread with cheese, and ham, and a joghurt.
And dinner I didnt have yet. I know it is late, but I was just not hungry and just now got home from work. They had me working late today. So I might or might not eat something really light, if anything at all!  Lets look in here..           

And here is my new weight, weigh-in day is Sunday…so here it is…….

Now there you see it, I constantly lose weight. Slow YES, but consistently and thats the main thing. And I can live with this kind of Nutrition without sacrificing anything!

Today I havent gone to church again, because I am so wore out, and depressed, and in pain as I told you above. But times will change I am sure about that. I dont know when, but whenever God is ready for me to make my next move I will.

With Love and God’s Blessings