HeAintThroughWithMeYet

Last night Michael called me from his forst break and said ” Do you think I ever get ver this? I dont think I will!”

I told him “You will never get over this. But it will get better, it will get easier. Right now you going through emotion up on emotion. You probably go from being angry at your mom to being angry at yourself for not been there, to sadness, ect..” “There will however come a time where you will not be thinking about it 24/7.”

So we talked or I should say I talked to him for a little bit. Than we hung up because he had to go back to work. And than it came to me that I wasted precious time. So quickly I grabbed the cellphone and texted to him this….
“I know you might not want to hear this, but your mom is with God. And God is with you always and he loves you, if you just let him into your heart. He will make your burden light!”
See I feel this deep urge to talk to him about the Lord, especially right now. I dont know why, but you all who believe in God will know that this is a huge comfort and peace that surrounds you when you believe in the Lord Jesus and what he has done for us!

I always feel like “how can I make everybody around me start to believe?”
But now it is like I cant waste no time, time is so precious and it shouldnt be wasted for we do not know how long we will be around our “unsaved” loved ones before we cant lead them to the right path anymore.

I hope that all my writing tonight makes sense. It is just pouring out of me. You all know I use this blog as a Online Journal, I dont do this writing to please anyone, but just to write down my thoughts and feelings. And for some reason something is urging me to write this here tonight and to make sure my husband will be saved as well as my son. But I dont know why I am stirred to get Michael to the Lord before it is to late.

Lately also we discussed for a minute life insurances. My company would pay in the event of my death a whole years salary which is nothing. Michaels company pays a bit more but not to much. So we talked about our own mortality and how each of us would be able to pay all the bills and not end up on the street.
See when he would go before me, I couldnt not stay where I am at right now. So we decided that we would like to up our insurance a bit. At least that for a few months neither one of us needs to struggle to much.
but we just touched the subject very briefly as you can imagine he doesnt want to talk to much about death at this time.

But thats exactly what is going on in my household. My husband is on a constant Elevator Ride. One minute he talks about us and what if’s…and the next minute he is like a recluse and doesnt say a word, or he is in tears.

And this whole emotional Elevator ride is getting me pretty much depressed. Because every word I want to say, I have to think about twice to say. I feel very very sad for him. I never in 20 years saw him shed a tear and lately he is crying a river of tears.
And that also brings my own fears of losing my mother into play. She is old, she is very sick, not only with a severly broken arm but with cancer of the throat.
And I am thinking of what if’s….would I go home to go to a funeral? I couldnt afford it to fly home. Right now I say absolutly NO I wouldnt go. As far as I know she will go to Heaven and there is only her body in a casket, so why fly all this way to see this?
But you never know when the time really comes, how I act than.

Well enough for now. I’ll write more some other time!

Love and Blessings
Andrea