My daily Life 07-26-07….The Elevator
Last night Michael called me from his forst break and said ” Do you think I ever get ver this? I dont think I will!”
I told him “You will never get over this. But it will get better, it will get easier. Right now you going through emotion up on emotion. You probably go from being angry at your mom to being angry at yourself for not been there, to sadness, ect..” “There will however come a time where you will not be thinking about it 24/7.”
So we talked or I should say I talked to him for a little bit. Than we hung up because he had to go back to work. And than it came to me that I wasted precious time. So quickly I grabbed the cellphone and texted to him this….
“I know you might not want to hear this, but your mom is with God. And God is with you always and he loves you, if you just let him into your heart. He will make your burden light!”
See I feel this deep urge to talk to him about the Lord, especially right now. I dont know why, but you all who believe in God will know that this is a huge comfort and peace that surrounds you when you believe in the Lord Jesus and what he has done for us!
I always feel like “how can I make everybody around me start to believe?”
But now it is like I cant waste no time, time is so precious and it shouldnt be wasted for we do not know how long we will be around our “unsaved” loved ones before we cant lead them to the right path anymore.
I hope that all my writing tonight makes sense. It is just pouring out of me. You all know I use this blog as a Online Journal, I dont do this writing to please anyone, but just to write down my thoughts and feelings. And for some reason something is urging me to write this here tonight and to make sure my husband will be saved as well as my son. But I dont know why I am stirred to get Michael to the Lord before it is to late.
Lately also we discussed for a minute life insurances. My company would pay in the event of my death a whole years salary which is nothing. Michaels company pays a bit more but not to much. So we talked about our own mortality and how each of us would be able to pay all the bills and not end up on the street.
See when he would go before me, I couldnt not stay where I am at right now. So we decided that we would like to up our insurance a bit. At least that for a few months neither one of us needs to struggle to much.
but we just touched the subject very briefly as you can imagine he doesnt want to talk to much about death at this time.
But thats exactly what is going on in my household. My husband is on a constant Elevator Ride. One minute he talks about us and what if’s…and the next minute he is like a recluse and doesnt say a word, or he is in tears.
And this whole emotional Elevator ride is getting me pretty much depressed. Because every word I want to say, I have to think about twice to say. I feel very very sad for him. I never in 20 years saw him shed a tear and lately he is crying a river of tears.
And that also brings my own fears of losing my mother into play. She is old, she is very sick, not only with a severly broken arm but with cancer of the throat.
And I am thinking of what if’s….would I go home to go to a funeral? I couldnt afford it to fly home. Right now I say absolutly NO I wouldnt go. As far as I know she will go to Heaven and there is only her body in a casket, so why fly all this way to see this?
But you never know when the time really comes, how I act than.
Well enough for now. I’ll write more some other time!
Love and Blessings
Andrea
My daily Life 07-25-07 Birthday just around the Corner!
Well, I thought my husband would have lots of distraction while been at work, but that wasnt so. He told me this morning he just cant focus on anything. His mind is wrapped around his Mom. But I stay strong in my faith and pray unceasingly for the both of us. I know, that I know, that I know that my Saviour will bring my husband through this.
It will take time, so does any physical wound you have, even a little cut on your finger takes a good while to heal. How much longer does an emotional wound take? It will be a long process and the pain will never go away but it will get better and easier.
My husbands birthday is approaching quickly and of course we havent or should I say “I” havent prepared nothing for it. A). We always in financial problems, and B). with the death of his Mom so suddenly we been in a state of shock and never did I give it a thought until last night.
So now I am thinking and can not come to a conclusion how to “celebrate” his birthday. And how do you celebrate his brithday after all this? I dont even know!!!
I wish he would have friends from work or something to invite. But than again I wouldnt invite no one, since I am german and we dont invite people to birthdays. In Germany people that know you or know of your birthday, they just stop by and give their well-wishes and stuff.
And my husband is a loner, he likes people but he never really gets close enough that they feel they just can stop by. I am so different in that area. I am a people-person. I love people, I love talking. I am the bubbly one.
Anyways, today my Friend Laura called me and asked if I come to small group Friday, but I had to decline. If Michael would join me I would go. But it is his Birthday and I just dont feel right leaving him sitting alone at home right now. So I wont be going to group Friday.
So I am gonna buy a cake, and light some candles. He wants a new hairclipper since he cuts his own hair. But the ones they sell at Wal-Mart are not the thing he wants anymore. He needs a good clipper. I bought him last year a clipper from Wal-Mart and it broke shortly thereafter. So he told me Please dont buy one from there. I looked into Sally Beauty supply they have the clippers he had but man oh man they run about 50 dollars. So we have to wait on that a bit.
If anyone reads this and would like to stop by on Friday evening, feel free to come. We will enjoy having you! Perhaps that would be a nice distraction for him since he always feels he is alone here in VA. Well I can tell you why he feels this way, he never goes nowhere. You cant meet people if you stay in the house 24/7. DUH!
Now on a nother note, I cant wait for Sunday to roll around. I can go to Church since he sleeps anyways that early in the morning. And I enjoy my time with my fellow Believers and the Lord. Last Sunday I wasnt all together so I wasnt to focused, and honestly I couldnt tell you what the sermon was about. At the time of the sermon I heard it, but right afterwards it was gone. I do still have the Church bulletin and can look up what I missed. Isnt it crazy how your mind wanders of?
This Sunday I am pretty sure I will be focused again. Slowly at least getting my Life back to normal. I do have my moments thinking of Pearl, but by far not as many as my husband has and that is understandable!
So there, I wrote down my thoughts again, and keep you all posted on My daily Life!
Wishing you an evening full of Blessings
Andrea
My daily Life 07-24-07..we are doing a bit better
I want to thank everyone who responded so kindly to my last post. It was so amazing to see all the well wishes and prayers from you guys!!! 
Today was my first day back to work and I have to say it is true, you dont have time to think as much and therefore you starting to feel better, I even left a time or two today!
Michael (husband) went tonoight too back to work and I pray that he will have a positive experience as well as I did. He really needs it more than I do.
When I came home I didnt know in what shape he is. But he was in a “normal” mood. No crying, he even talked. He said he slept well last night, so I pray that he will continue to improve.
I spoke to his brother today in Ohio and asked him how he is doing? He told me it is very hard on him as well. Since he lived just a few minutes from his Mom’s house and was over there regularly. He said ” It is so hard that he cant drive there or call her” I imagine it is.
Tonight I will call the Sister and check on her.
The Pastor who precided over the funeral said ” Do not let this start conflict or diversion in your Family. Let this be a time where Family gets together and stays together.” He said “God alone knows the number of hair on our head and He is the one who knows when your time is up, so cling together, cause you dont know how much longer you have”
This Pastor spoke so well. I told my husband when we get back to Ohio to visit his Sister and Brother we will visit that Church. Surprisingly he agreed!
I know my Mother in-law is in Heaven and she is painfree, no suffering, nomore Cancer. I wish I could rejoice with her. But I dont think my husband would appreciate that right now. She was in a gospel singing group and I mgiht say she sang beautiful! I bet she is with Jesus and sings all the time for him
We miss you Pearl, but we are so happy that you are in no pain anymore and that you are with our Saviour!!!
So to all out there who prayed and are still praying for us, please know …
YOU are appreciated and continue to pray for us and for my husbands salvation.
On a other note….
There is a special young Lady in my Church. Katy is very sick and I would appreciate if you check out her blog and leave some encouraging comments as well. Pray for her healing for HPS. Click HERE to get to her blog!
Thanks also to the Pilgrim Pals who are a bunch of great people who took my husband and myself into their hearts!!!
Love and Blessings onto you all
Andrea
My daily Life 07-23-07 Loss and how to deal with it
I just read the blog of “A dying man’s journal”(click HERE ) and read the comments to his post. I dont know why and how I ended up on his blog, perhaps to give me strength on how to comfort my husband.
Michael is very down. My prayer is that God draws him really close and comforts him. He bursts out into tears every so often and wasnt capable to go back to work yesterday. His boss gave him another day of vacation. But this isnt my husband, he is a workaholic. He never ever cried in front of me and I know for 20 years. Now he bursts into tears, he dont eat much. He is introvert (which he was before too, but not as much).
It sadens me, because I dont know what to do. No word can take the pain away. Last night however I was able to talk to him, and ask him if he is suicidal. I know to some it might sound funny but I was dead serious. Well he assured me he is not, but I am still concerned, and if after this week he continues I might ask him to see a doctor, which will be another huge hurdle.
I could cry just by watching him going through all this. I am praying for him. I am here for him, but I just cant take the pain away from him, and if I could I would.
The only thing I told him was, If you need me I am here for you, lean on me! And I said….Michael you have to come to salvation, God loves you and is here for you more than I ever could be. Your Mom is in Heaven and she wants you to join her there whenever your time comes. And I am afraid that you wont be! When I came to God, all my problems, everything that went on in my Life and still does, became light. There was and is comfort. It is so in your reach, you just have to grab it.
Not that you dont have problems, but you can deal with them because you are not alone, you have Jesus who had much bigger issues to deal with than we do.
I continue to pray for him, for his salvation, his comfort, his pain. This is all I can do. If there is more…..please someone let me know.
I am emotionally totally drained at this time. I am going through my own sense of loss with the passing of his Mom, and knowing my Mom’s departure might be just around the corner you know.
I would appreciate a few comments on this.
Love and Blessings
Andrea
From Sunrise ~~~Pearl~~~ To Sunset
Pearl was called to Glory to be with the Lord on July 16, 2007
Her body was laid to rest on July 19, 2007.
The service for her was beautiful if you can say that!
Many, many people showed up from allover the US. Lots of people spoke about her and also spoke about her walk with the Lord and when she became saved and baptised. Many people offered songs, those songs didnt leave a dry eye. Even if you had no feelings you cried. It was heart wrenching especially for my husband and his sister and their brother.
Pearl’s Mother who is now 90 years old couldnt attend the Funeral because she was already to sadened by this all. She wasnt able to function since she arrived in town and heard of the news.
One church friend of Pearl read Pearl’s favorite Psalm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Psalm 23
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me,
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life.
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Songs I remember that were sung was ” His Eye Is On The Sparrow”, “Glory, Glory”,
“Amazing Grace” and others.
And a poem was read that I will never forget. I want to share that with all of you….
When I must leave You……..
When I must leave you for a little while,
Please do not grieve and shed wild tears.
And hug your sorrow to you through the years,
But start out bravely with a gallant smile;
And for my sake and in my name,
Live on and do all things the same.
Feed not your loneliness on empty days,
But fill each waking hour in useful ways.
Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer
and I in return will comfort you and hold you near.
Never, never be afraid to die,
For I am waiting for you in the sky!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This Poem was read by her granddaughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We been told from one of the speakers at the funeral that Pearl knew she is going home before she told anyone. And she told that speaker ” I am ready to meet my Savior whenever he wants me to come home”
REST IN PEACE ~~~ PEARL ~~~ REST IN PEACE
Meme??? Tag YOUR it!!!
I was recently one of 10 people tagged by Timbob of Grace County of www.timbob.wordpress.com to answer the following questions and then to formulate five additonal questions to send on to others. So here it goes. The following five questions come from Timbob.
( 1 ) What teacher has had the most influence in your life? Why?
Answer: Thats an easy one! Of course my Lord is my greatest teacher. But to get to the Lord I had another great teacher and still have and that is Pastor David from Wellspring Presbyterian Church. Why you ask? Hmmm, well since I am walking with the Lord my Life has changed drastically. Not that I have no problems, but I handle situations much better, and problems amount to only as much as I can bare!
Pastor David on the other hand lead me to the Lord and teaches me the ways to be a saint! He is the most wonderful Man of God!
( 2 ) If you could write the “Great American Novel” what would the first line be?
Answer: Uhmmmm???? I am not an author and thats ok 
( 3 ) What job would you prefer? The guy holding the slowdown sign in a work zone, a ring announcer at a world championship boxing match, or the person serving sample snacks at Sams grocery?
Answer: I would be the person that hands out snacks. People love to get free things and perhaps that would give me a chance to enlightem them a bit about the Lord (Not that the Sam’s Club would like it but there is always an oppertunity to lead people)
( 4 ) You have awakened from a coma. Who would you like to see first and why?
Answer: My Husband and Son! both are still not walking with the Lord and perhaps me falling into a coma, and coming back would do a change of heart in their life and thoughts! But than again, why would I want to come back to when I got the chance to be with God or be with the World???
( 5 ) If you could get a do-over in high school what would you change?
Answer: I would try to be a more concentrated student and apply lessons I learned!
I guess now I need to tag some others and ask questions.
www.momlovesbeingathome.wordpress.com
www.thinkonitdevotions.wordpress.com
www.hearttoheart.wordpress.com
Well, my questions are……………….
1). What is your favored worship song/hymn ?
2). Favorite verse, and/or chapter in the Bible?
3). What lead you to God? Let us hear your testimony!
4). How do you live day by day with the Lord?
5). Living Bible? NIV? KJV? The Message? Which is your favorite and why?
Well, I cant wait to read your responses!!!!
*********UPDATE*********
I see I made a mistake and answered the questions which were for Timbob, but i guess its ok. Timbob, I will answer yours if you want me too.
There you see I cant stay focused to long.
It wasnt a Surprise, but still
My Husband Michael left on Monday Morning at around 3:30am to drive home to Ohio to be with his Mom.
I went to bed and when I fianlly fell asleep at about 4:15am, the phone rang and it was my Brother in-law. He told me, that “Mom” had passed a few minutes ago!
Immediatly I called my husband and told hm to come back to the house. But this wasnt as easy as I thought, because my hubby asked a million questions “WHY?”
Well after a few I told him that I had to go with him NOW. And he again asked why, and even though I wasnt going to tell him on the phone, I had no other choice. So I said “Baby, your Mom is gone!”
HE said “I be right back home” No sadness in his voice, nothing.
But when he got out of the car here at the house, I think he woke up the whole neighborhood. It was so horrible to watch and I didnt know what I should do. THe only thing I knew was to hold him, and guide him into the house.
We left together an hour later. And we arrived in Dayton at about 1:00pm +/-
We met the rest of his Family at the Funeral Home. We had to wait there for about two hours, than they let us view the body.
Hubby and Family had to pick out all kinds of stuff for the Funeral.
Once thing I must say…..she looked peacefully, like she is just sleeping. She didnt look like last year when we saw her all sick and in pain. No she had a peaceful look about her.
My husband broke down several times since then but he is dealing relatively good with the Loss of his Mom. He was the “Baby Boy” and therefore very attached to her. At times it was so bad I was jealous. His Mom had to only snap her finger and he jumped. You all know what I mean.
I am glad I made peace with her. We had our fallout, but we made up.
Anyways I am not in the mood for a long post right now, I just wanted to update the blog about this.
Our Lord gives, and takes away. And she did not suffer in her last moments by the Grace of God. Praise Him from whom all Blessings flow.
Another sad day, and it didn’t start out that way!
Well, the Service this morning at Church was sooo beautiful!The songs were wonderful, and the sermon really got to me. I made many notes and was going to blog about it tonight. But often when you plan things, things happen and so it did today.
We have this thing called “linger longer” after the Service. We have coffee, Hot chocolate, and snacks and people hang out in the foyer and chat.
So I was in really great spirits and after a little while I turned my cellphone on that I had previously turned off so I wont interrupt the service.
Well, when I turned it on, I got a beep letting me know I have a message. So I dialed my voicemail and it was a message from my Brother in-law telling me to let my husband know to call him, and that their mother is in the hospital. Of course I called him back right away and he explained to me…That Mom had passed out and was transported to the hospital. Since last year we knew she had colon cancer and was operated on. At that time last year they gave her not long to live and said it was terminal. But time passed, prayers where heard and answered, and she didn’t need anymore Chemo. They said this is truly awesome that they cant find any cancer in her colon.
She even gained weight back and looked pretty good.Well the last few weeks she passed out a few times, but this last time she wouldn’t come to for quit a while, so they got her into the hospital and she had many tests. Came to find out that this SNEAKY cancer spread to her lungs and kidneys.
For some reason something blocks oxygen to get to her brain. That’s why she keeps on passing out.
So tonight or later this afternoon we heard that the doctors said, they cant do nothing for her no more and she has from a few hours to a few days left to live.
We are AGAIN in desperate need of help! It is like I find some way to put out one “fire” and another starts elsewhere. The last time it was the Green Card, now this. We are so desperate but we don’t know what to do anymore.
We decided this evening that he will leave for Ohio tonight in my car (cause for the long ride it is better to take this car)(The truck needs still repairs and we had problems to get him over those WV mountains the last time)
I will stay put and go to work as always. He has still a few days vacation left and I guess some “personal time”.
If nothing changes (not getting worse with his Mom) He will be back home Saturday and go back to work Sunday night. If the worst happens then he will come back and get me. I know financially this is not the best way to do it, but we don’t have any other way. We don’t have credit cards or savings accounts. My husband comes from a poor family. They can’t help him. As you all know I got financial help for my Mom from my Church, so you all know they cant help us either. So tonight I talked to my Cousin, but she explained to me, that she had problems with the INS as well because of misdirected mail (I guess) and she cant help us right now either. So I don’t know what else to do.
I am a burden to my Church already and feel very ashamed about it as it is. Yes you might say “Well that’s what a Church is for…to help people” But hey there is a maximum to everything and I think I got beyond that already!
Now, there you see MY Life is a trip. Nothing absolutely nothing can go good for a while. It is like I cant get a break. A lady at Church said ” God is teaching me Patience” Well Alright already for how much longer will He do that?” I mean give me a break. I feel like a fish in a bowl. I cant get to the top to take a breath. Always on the bottom.
I guess I rambles on long enough.
But nevertheless I praise My Father in Heaven, because I swore to him before I will praise Him in any Storm. Yes this is another Storm but I continue to praise Him and He will not let me carry more than I can handle.( But I am pretty close to it)
Please you all pray for us!
Lord, I love You, I bless You, I praise You! You are my First Love before any man. I know everything will work out for good. And I believe in that with my whole heart, body, and soul. I know if it is your will, you will help us in any way we need help, and I know you wont forsake nor leave me.
Father I ask you to forgive me for what I said today in my most stressed moments. I am truly sorry.
You are the great physician and if no man can heal Pearl, I know You can. But perhaps it is your will that she should come home to you. And that’s ok too, we will be here for Michael, and comfort him.
Lord, I ask you to give me wisdom to say the right things to Michael in his pain. Guide me through this time in need. I lift Michael up to you, and ask you to comfort him, to protect him from any harm on the long drive to Ohio. Protect him from others and protect him that he doesn’t hurt anyone.
Father comfort his Family. And especially if it is his Mom’s time to leave this earth, let her go peacefully, surrounded by her Family, and without pain!
Again my Faith, and Hope is in you and in you alone.
In Jesus Name I pray
AMEN
Here we go again…..
Just checking out how this NEW WLW is working for me. This is something that WordPress came up with and I found it on the first page on the Dashboard.
So now you can write your blog without even been online! Pretty neat!
Today I really have no news to report except that my Son gave me a huge cable bill by ordering adult movies while I was asleep. We been there once, and we there AGAIN!!!
Now he has to pay for them when he gets paid, but what bothers me most is…he lied about it when I confronted him, and even though he admits to it now, he is very non-chalant about it! It is amazing to me that he is my Son. I just would’ve never done that to my parents.
Anyways, this is behind me now because the password is set on my cable and he will pay for it on Monday. What can I say, it is time for him to move on and out the house. I hope soon I will not be such a whimp and get it done!
So I wonder if I type in colors or not
We shall see when this post is published!
Love you all and God’s Blessing onto you all
Andrea
Emergency numbers
Hello everyone, I found that on Stumble…..how you like that???
I think its pretty cool!
