HeAintThroughWithMeYet

Hi You all,

well after every high comes a low I guess! 

I had slept hardly last night, since Cookie the cat had surgery (spayed), and she was like a drunk all night but just wouldnt sleep all through the night. She slept a bit and wanted to walk around, she wanted to be real close to me too, so I wasnt able to leave her downstairs in the livingroom where she usually is all by herself. I knew if I go upstairs to bed she would walk up and down, and thats what the doctors said she couldnt do.
So I made my bed on the couch and Cookie layed right beside me on my back. I couldnt turn, and she gave up so much heat. It was hard to sleep. One time I remember she layed right over my forehead. Anyways, I got up at about 5:30am and went to work at 9:00am. When I came home she greeted me at the door as usual. She seems to be much better tonight, but she still is groggy I would say. Understandebly though!

I told on this blog before that I am married to a “believer” that doesnt think he needs to read the Word or go to church, you know this kind. We hardly talk about God. The only time he talks about God with me, is around Easter and Christmas, thats when they show all those movies. He watches them, I guess that is his christianity!!!

But see I am totally involved with readings, small group, and sunday church. And one couple of my small group invited us to their house for saturday to dinner. Wel when I told him he said flat out I am not going. His excuse is, we dont spend enough time with each other. HAHA

Spending time with me means he watches basketball, football, baseball whatever there is some kind of ball flying on the TV screen. I am so disappointed about this, And I did have a hard time to call the couple and tell them we arent coming. Needless to say when he left for his job this evening it was a very cold “see you later” kinda thing!

See, my husband and I were married in 1992 in Ohio, then after cheating on me I left him in April of 1999 and moved to VA to be with mycousin since she is the only Family I have in the USA. We divorced in I believe 2001. I spoke with him maybe once a year on the phone, and on Thanksgiving of 2004 he came to VA to visit me, and well he came back for good on Christmas that year.  Which at that time I havent been a christian. After I found my Savior in 2006, I told my then ex-husband we have to get married and he said ok lets get the marriage license and set it up. But he did not want to get married in a church or with a pastor.

To make a long story short, the morning when we supposed to get the License i prayed if God wants me to remarry him, then lets get married right there and than at that office. And we went there and everything went smooth. He was surprised when the clerk said well go this way to that and that room and meet with clerk so and so to get amrried. He said ” No we here to get the license and I said No we are here to get married!” I knew if I wait and try to talk him into getting married by my pastor and go through marriage counseling he would have never got married to me. But I wanted to make it right in front of God and just did it. Now I think about all the time if I did the right thing. Especially now since I get closer on my walk with the Lord and he doesnt want anything to do with Him.  

What should I do? I have no idea. When I talk to my friend Jennifer( She is the Pastor’s wife) she says ” he is a hard nut to crack”, give him time”. But still it is eating me up. All the couples at church are their together , and I am married and my husband hasnt even seen the church from the inside. One time he went with me to an event at the Pastor’s house which was on Christmas eve, but already there he put a time limit on us.  

I have to say however he is not cheating on me, and he never treated me bad before besides the cheating, which was bad enough.

So right now we are upset at each other about the same thing but from different points of view, know what I mean?

Anyways I vented and it usually helps me! 

Any suggestions or prayers I can pray over that?

And please pray for us, and also that he will see the light before it is to late for him!

Thanks you all, till tomorrow

In Christ Andrea

By Brebt Barnett                                 

Here I am again,

I could shout from the mountain top today. I am so elated and overcome with joy in the Lord! He truly gave me signs today.  

My Pastor sent me a link to a website where you can order books.  So I went there and I ordered a few books, as you all know I love to read about God, Grace, Faith, everything. And I might add I am not a good stewart when it comes to finances and books  

Anyways, those books came today! And I took one book with me when I picked up my cat Cookie from the Vet office. I knew that I would be there way before I can pick her up, but I am a over punctual person so of course I was there a half hour prior for pick-up. So I started reading this book called “Grow In Grace” by Sinclair B. Ferguson. It is not a huge book the size of each page is about a postcard, so you see not a big thing, but about 139 pages. So, I come to page #4 or 5 I think and the Author talks about Jesus, and Mary , and our Father in Heaven. And I dont know I sat in my car in front of the Vet’s office sobbing. Sobbing I tell you! I had to put the book down and stop reading or the people in the Vet’s office would think I am losing my mind.  

But this writer, he writes the book that you can actually feel how Mary must have felt, and Jesus. It talks about the growing up from his toddler years to an adult and the temptations and sufferings our Lord had to go through.

This was the first time in my life that I actually understood when people say, I weep for Jesus, when I think he got crucified. I felt it too.  To me it felt like my mom or my brother or my late father when he died you know. Like family, and I never felt like that before in my life. Not about Jesus either, but today I did. And it overflooded me with emotion. I am an emotional person but today this was just to much. Sitting alone in a truck, other people around in their cars and trucks to pick up their pets, and I am in the midst sobbing  (for them for no reason of course).

It is an emotional time for me this passed two days, last night I heard on the news here that a little boy age 3 had passed yesterday from a brain tumor. So I looked up their website, and left a comment of Sympathy there. Next thing you know I get an reply email but it is from the little boy, saying…thank you for praying for me, and I will get better soon. My daddy is sitting with me in the hospital room reading books to me and my mommy is there too. Signed Joshua.

And I knew that this was an email that comes automatically since their blog is on the web for a while so the parents dont have to respond to each and every email you know. But it touched me so much so that i sat here on the pc and cried for this family. It is heartbreaking news for a young family to go through something like that. But there goes the suffering in the end it should work out for the good, for His Glory. But you cant tell parents that when they just lost their little boy!

Same with the Family from my church, Katy is so ill, you all can read and post comments there too. She loves reading comments. Anyways, she is so young my sons age and she speaks in one of her posts called “Heavenly Encouragement ” about the time she saw Jesus and He took her with her and He showed her all the things in Heaven ( you got to go there and read it yourself now)  http://katysblog.com , it also touched me and I was sitting crying on this computer screen.  I read her blog daily and it is horible what some people have to go through at a young tender age, and of course their families.

Anyways I am rambling on here now 

So people please pray for me that I keep my sanity, and that God will do great works through me. I want to lead people to the Lord as long as I can. Which, if I finally would stop smoking would be probably a long time.

I thank everyone for their loving and kind, encouraging comments, and it is my Hope that you keep commenting so I get encouraged to write more posts on here!

May the Prince of Peace be with you all

Love In Christ
Andrea

” Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working”   James 5:16

Well, I did it!

I let him read the post and then I confessed to him why I am so upset all the time and that I was wrong. We talked about our problems, I dont have the feeling that it changed anything in him, but it sure did for me. And perhaps we need some time here. He said he would like to print the post to show it to his ex-girlfriend, which I dont have a problem since it is a public blog she could pull it up on any computer. Who knows maybe we get some reconciliation through all this.   

Otherways, I brought my cat to the Doctor today for spaying, I hope she is doing well. I’ll pick her up at 5pm so I got to leave at 4pm since it takes me about 30 minutes to get there and at that time is rush hour, so I cant be late. And that takes care of the nightly howling..lol..and the trying to get out the door when someone exits or enters.    

And in all this I cleaned my house, baked a quick cake for my hubby, talked to my son, and answered emails, cooked dinner, and type here now. WOAH!

I am pretty busy for having the day off…lol

Now, I think I did my part everything else is up to God, let Him work now. I am glad I did though!

  “Praise God from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him, all creatures here below; Praise Him above, ye heaven’ly host;  Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.”   Doxology #731

Good day you all,

today well actually this morning I looked at the post I placed yesterday evening about Forgiveness. It came to my attention that I havent forgiven someone real close to me.

I think I need to write about it, because as I always claim, I am for real. I am not one of those internet people who says they are slim, when they are fat. I am not one who says she is beautiful, when she is just about average. I dont need to lie in my life and neither on here. So here it goes.

My son did some things in his life I am very mad about. For instance, he has a child at age 22, my grandbaby was born december 30th, 2006. But he is not married, matter of fact they not even together for about the last half or more of her pregnancy. She is 37 years old, another reason I was mad at him. Supposedly now he visits at her house to see his baby, but I am not sure if thats the truth. I never seen my grandbaby except on pictures, because of the reason that they not together and I didnt want to be in the middle of their dilemma. Another reason is that even though I was promised to be called to the hospital by her or her family/friends, I never got a call until 4 days after birth and she was already back home. The reason for not calling me was and I quote ” My Family was here and it was all hectic ” Hmmmm, I think I live in Roanoke, VA about 20 minutes from the hospital, but her mom came all the way from NC.  Yes it did upset me until last night, actually until now. I was going to tell you guys that I am about to apologize to my son for been mad with him at all times for a lot of things he is doing wrong, and that I forgive him for the severe heartache he gives me since he turned 18 years old. And  now i realize there is someone else I need to forgive too! YEP I have too.

So here is the thing, I am mad at him for the things he does. And the Lord opened my eyes today and telling me this scripture. ” Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

To get back to my son, TODAY this morning I realized he just does what I used to do, perhaps I wasnt that severe as he is, but nothing was as bad in my days as it is now!

Yes I had my son also when I was 22, and yes I wasnt married, and yes I wasnt together with the biological dad shortly after I got pregnant! Yes I did many things wrong , almost the same things I am mad about now.

I tell you what, I wouldve NEVER realized that if I wasnt saved and the Holy Spirit abides in me. This is not only an eyeopener to me about Forgiveness, it is also an eyeopener about my doubts I had in an earlier post of mine, where I was so concerned about “Do I truly believe or is it just lipservice, am I really saved, is the Lord with me?” Remember my post? Well TODAY I can say, this is the Holy Spirit working through me, because if it wouldnt I would of never think about to apologize and forgive my son and his ex-girlfriend!!!

Oh my, I wonder how many more enlighting moments I will have???

So as soon as he gets up, I will have a talk with him about his and my life, and try to set things straight between us! We were drifting apart and my hope is that this perhaps will heal some wounds on both of us, perhaps all of us!?

Since I got saved i try to be so rightous and didnt even see my own faults and shortcomings. But praise be to God , who opens our eyes every now and then.

Even though I will have a bit of a hard time in a few minutes to have this conversation, I know my Father is with me, and the Holy Spirit will guide my words.
So I will close now, and await my son, and I will keep you all posted how it went!!!

We have an awesome, wonderful, amazing God,

 PRAISE HIM AND GLORIFY HIM ALWAYS! 

My Prayer for us all is;

Lord God, You tell us to forgive others in the sight of Christ in order that satan might not outwit us. Help us never to be unaware of his schemes (2Cor. 2:11) Please help us to see how much the enemy takes advantage of unforgiveness. We offer him a foothold any time we refuse to forgive.

In Jesus name we pray          

Jesus said to Peter again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, ” Thend My sheep.”                  John 21:16

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It has been said that there are two proven ways never to experience disappointment in another person: The first way is to get close to no one. As long as you remain isolated and alone, you’ll never be disappointed by another person. But if you do succumb to the temptation to have a friend, the second way to avoid disappointment is to expect nothing. If you have no expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.

Unfortunately, those are both very bad ideas. There is a third approach, to handling disappointment that allows you to have friends and expectations. With this approach you’ll be disappointed, but you’ll be able to handle it.

The third way is Jesus way: Practice Forgiveness. Jesus had a close friend named Peter who, on the night Jesus was arrested, denied he was one of Jesus followers or that he even knew the Man. That had to hurt Jesus. But because He was committed to forgiveness, it didnt end their relationship.

When (not if) a friend disappoints you, remember Jesus approach on the road to Calvary: Friends forgive friends who fail!

The symbol of the religion of Jesus is the Cross, not the Scales.

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I know very many times I have been disappointed by friends and even relatives, and it is very hard to forgive, at times a lot of times I did not! Only now since I found Christ I am able to forgive, which is many, many years later, He opened my eyes to my unforgiveness.

He brought it to my attention even that one boyfriend who had enough of me and wanted me to leave his house after years of living together( He found someone new). He send me out after I came home from a second shift job around 12am, he sent me out of his home at 7am with no clothes only the ones I had on me, no money and nowhere to go. It took a few months and an attorney to retrieve my belongings. Yes my Father in Heaven told me that I had to forgive this man for what he had done to me. And I did! It wasnt easy, but I did!
And I know if you out there have someone your angry at or disappointed at, dont waste time, forgive from your heart!

This is a huge weight loss when you conquer Unforgiveness. Dont let the Devil have this stronghold on you any longer!

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“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”                           Luke 6:37

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My Prayer is;  Christ Jesus, when we want so badly to judge, condemn, or refuse forgiveness to another person, we can hear your Word speak to our hearts saying, “If you are without sin, be the first to throw a stone at them.” We are not without sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

In Jesus Name  

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”           Romans 5:1             

Good evening everyone,

I just got of the phone with my Pastor. I had such a heavy heart. As you know I am new believer for the past year, and it seems I have so many ups and downs, it makes me lose my sanity at times. Especially this past week I doubted myself about loving Christ.  

On one occassion I was on a atheist blog and placed a comment, and well to make long story short, it wasnt a good experience. It even more made me feel like I am not truly a Believer. It is easy to say I believe in Jesus, I believe that he died for our sins , was crucified and rose three days later. It is easy to read the Bible and go to church and the whole nine yard.  

But I was questioning myself do I do “lipservice” or am I for real????? 

I struggled with this for about a week or so. And one of the Bloggers on here encouraged me in a way, but still the doubt would not leave me, and at home I have no Believers in my house to talk to.  

So tonight I listened to an old crusade from Billy Graham and somehow it stirred it even up some more in my heart. I went into prayer and asked the Lord to help me. Well, after that prayer I opened my Bible and it opened at Luke 5:8 and I began to read about ” Acknowledge Christ before Man”, and that brought me to a point in that little passage that I had to call my Pastor to answer one question. Since I am german I do struggle with some writings in the Bible and sometimes not even the german translation helpes me. So I asked him about my question, and he answered it for me in a practical way for me to understand.    

 Anyways, thats when I told him how I am feeling lately about my belief and that I am not certain if I am truly a believer or what. And he answered me and said, that this is the Devil attacking me and trying to bring doubt into my mind. That my mind is a battlefield, the only way that the devil can get a hold of me. 

 How right he is!!!  It helped me really a lot when we spoke on the phone. 

He suggested to me to read, Romans 5, when that doubt crawls up inside of my mind.  

It felt so good to hear him say, that I am a Believer and that I should never doubt that. That he has seen me grow in this past year.
I am so happy to hear that, and I want to share this with you all, since I put up posts and you read them and comment, I think I had to post this too, so you all can see that I am for real.  

So you see that I have strong struggles within myself, but that I love my Lord and Savior and that I am not a fake!   

I appreciate all your comments on this perticular post very much too!

Love In Christ  Andrea